A Process for Finding the Ideal Mate
Ó Michael Brill 1999, 2001
Each of us seeks the ideal partner, and
yet statistically almost 50% of marriages end in divorce. One can only imagine the percentage of relationships
between “partners for life” that have ceased to exist. Why is it so difficult to find our twin flame?
(Someone birthed from the same seed of creation, a blossom that is
part of our bouquet.) Why is it so hard to find happiness? Why do we feel so alone in a densely
populated world? Why do some of us cry
out for a relationship but are fearful of being vulnerable?
Why are our emotional relationships so
important to us?
Our emotional
relationships (66) enable us to evolve both emotionally and spiritually by
bringing vulnerability into our lives.
The number 66 (relationships) is a master number. Six is the number for love, 66 represents the
unconditional love and acceptance of all things from a cosmic perspective,
i.e., every thing is connected/related.
It is through these loving experiences that we rediscover our true
Self. The more emotionally vulnerable
(6) we allow ourselves to be, the more compassionate (66) we become. The more compassionate we become, the closer
we are to our divinity.
How do we find
our ideal mate? Where do we look? How do we get them to notice us? “Inquiring minds want to know!”
Before we begin
looking outside of ourselves for a relationship, we must first have a
relationship with our Self. I’d like you
to do an exercise for me. Fold your
hands together by interlocking your fingers, with your palms facing you. Notice the way your fingers are
interlocked. This is what we seek in a
partnership, someone that completes us.
This is what society refers to as the “ideal relationship”, the beloved
and the loved intertwined with each other.
Slowly, begin
pulling your hands apart.
Do you feel a
resistance to the separation? This is
the same resistance we feel when a relationship is ending. It represents our fears of abandonment and
aloneness as well as the fear of loss of identity (an identity based on our
role in the relationship).
Now that your
fingers are completely separated, look at each hand and notice how the fingers
have gaps between them. These gaps
represent the gaps in our emotional selves that are filled by the beloved. If we need someone to complete us, we will
seek and find co-dependent relationships.
When one leaves
a co-dependent relationship, each partner returns to a state of incompleteness. To end this cycle of co-dependency, one must
first become aware of it.
(Catch-22.) Awareness develops as
we begin to recognize our behavior patterns.
Do I need to be needed? Do I pick partners that are emotionally weaker? Do I find it easier to give than receive? Do I need to be adored? Do I do
for others to be loved or to maintain control?
It usually
takes what I call a “Yo-Yo” relationship to make the pattern clear. Yo-Yo relationships enable us to experience
both the emotional heights and the emotional depths of a relationship in a
relatively short, but very intense, timeframe.
Here’s an example of a Yo-Yo relationship:
There is a
strong physical and emotional attraction between both partners. However, one partner makes a stronger emotional
commitment than the other does. It could
be love or it could be lust. It doesn’t
make a difference; in either case it is intense. Dating begins and neither can live without
the other. Five or six weeks into the
relationship one partner says to the other, “You know we’ve really been seeing
a lot of each other. It’s been very
intense. I love you, I just need a
little time.” You cry, you yell, you
feel that all men/women are bastards/bitches.
You get a little depressed. You
feel a lot of pain. You still love them.
Some time
passes and your beloved calls. They say
they’ve missed you; they love you; they need to see you. Your heart soars! You make a date and pick up were you left
off.
Another five or
six weeks pass. Your partner says something
to the effect of: “You know we’ve really been seeing a lot of each other. It’s been very intense. I love you; I just need a little time. You cry, you yell, you feel that all
men/women are bastards/bitches. You get
a little depressed. You feel a lot of
pain. You still love them but now you
are angry with them.
A week or so
goes by and your beloved calls. They say
they’ve missed you; they say they love you; they say they need to see you; they
say they can’t live without you. Your
heart soars! And then you hear a little
voice, “Whoa there, do you see any pattern here?” At this point, if you can recognize the
pattern of co-dependency, you can break it!
Ask yourself why you need this relationship more than your partner
does. Other lessons to be learned
involve vulnerability and accepting the moment for what it offers.
How can we
maintain a state of completeness even if our ideal partner leaves? We maintain our wholeness of self by first
mastering a relationship with our Self.
Look for someone that complements you not completes you.
Using the
following technique will help you complete your Self.
To draw your ideal mate into your life, practice the
following technique.
·
Make a list of at least seven characteristics
you want your partner to have. For
example:
1.
I want someone that can be emotionally intimate . . . that can express
their feelings and share their fears as well as their dreams.
2.
I want someone that accepts me for my Self.
3.
I want someone that is intellectually curious.
4.
I want someone that is passionate about life and me.
5.
I want someone with no children or no children living at
home.
6.
I want someone that is not married to their job.
7.
I want someone that is doing what they love, not doing to be
loved.
8.
I want someone that loves to dance.
9.
I want someone that is curious about life.
10.
I want someone that
is optimistic.
·
You can add to this list everyday and make it as long as you
want. You can fill 30 volumes or a 3x5
card.
·
Review your list. Put
a check mark next to each item that you are proficient in or have
mastered. If you want someone that is
doing what they love, ask yourself . . . are you? If the answer is a definite ‘YES’ put a check
mark next to that item. (No “maybes” or
sometimes allowed.)
·
If you can’t put a check mark next to a description, it
indicates that this is something you need to be working on to draw that energy
to you.
By becoming proficient in or mastering those characteristics we
seek in our partners, we begin to radiate energy much like a lighthouse that
can be seen by ships through miles of darkness.
Our ideal partners are not only “out there” they are moving toward us everyday. The clearer we become about who we are, the
easier it becomes to manifest our desires.
·
The most important point
is not to allow your head to determine your choice of partners, but to
listen to your heart. It is through the
heart that the feeling Self
communicates with the thinking Self. When the Ego* and Soul* communicate with each
other, they create consciousness.
Consciousness is honoring the feelings that emanate from your heart.
* Our
Soul, our eternal energetic essence, is always aware of what is best for the
highest good . . . it wrote the plan for this incarnation.
*
Our Ego resides in our heads. It
can intellectualize, rationalize, or justify any action or decision. The Ego’s primary issues are survival,
control, vulnerability, and worthiness.
Its decisions are influenced by fears of abandonment (refer to the
article on abandonment issues on my website www.awakener.com.)
·
If you want strong, supportive, and intimate relationships with others,
start with your Self. How? If you feel
something is either right or wrong, honor it, contrary to what anyone
else is saying you should do. This is the beginning of having a relationship
with your Self.
Interpreting
Numbers In Relation to Your Middle Name
(The
Emotional Self)
Your middle name represents how you
behave emotionally, the type of people you are attracted to and why you are
attracted to them. The information
presented here is a fraction of what is taken into consideration when
determining an individual’s emotional personality. However, as a thumb nail sketch they are
accurate.
Our emotional relationships (66) enable us to evolve
emotionally and spiritually by allowing vulnerability into our lives.
Numerically, the word “relationships” equals the number 66, a master
number. Six is the number for love; 66
represents the unconditional love and acceptance of all things from a cosmic
perspective, i.e., every thing is connected/related. It is through these loving experiences that
we rediscover our true Self. The more we
allow ourselves to be emotionally vulnerable (6), the more compassionate (66)
we become.
Using the chart below, determine the numerical total
of your middle name. For example, if
your middle name is Benjamin, the B
represents 2, the E is 5, the N is 5 etc.. When you are finished, add all of the numbers
then reduce them to a single digit.
1 2
3 4 5
6 7 8 9
A B
C D E
F G H I
J K
L M N
O P Q
R
S T
U V W
X Y Z
(W
and Y are vowels)
B E N J
A M I N
2+5+5+1+1+4+ 9+5 = 32 3+2= 5
Benjamin’s emotional number is 32/5.
NOTE
It is especially important that you be aware of the
double-digit total of the middle
name. Look at each of the numbers. For example, the letters in Benjamin add up to
32/5, a 3 and a 2 combine to make the 5.
Look up the
positive and negative meanings for the number 3 and determine if the individual
has more positive or negative characteristics; then do the same for the number
2.
Having a sense
of the combined numbers gives a stronger
basis for determining whether the 5 will be more
positive or
more negative.
Meanings of
the Emotional Numbers (One or more
characteristics may apply.)
1. Wants to be in charge or may feel unworthy; may feel
emotionally self-sufficient
2. Needs a partner; strong need to share; desire for
harmony and peace; a compromiser; don’t always speak up in a timely manner
3. Not always optimistic; not very confrontational as they
do not like disharmony; a romantic; could have emotional “ups and downs”; can
be a cheer leader/optimist
4. Wants stability; can be somewhat judgmental; may
procrastinate until certain of their emotions; finds it easier to give than
receive; can be stubborn
5. Can be either to rigid or to flexible; may be a flirt;
emotional “flightiness”; relationships meet physical needs; may seek multiple
relationships
6. Wants to be the cosmic mother/father; domesticity is
very important; loves love; likes to counsel others; faithful & true; can
be a perfectionist; may become involved in co-dependent relationships (as the
care giver)
7. Somewhat aloof and withdrawn; needs a spiritual
partner; controlling to “make certain” everything goes well; a very strong need
to be needed; feels hurt when advice is not accepted, finds it very difficult
to be emotionally vulnerable
8. Has a temper; wants to be the boss; wants to delegate
to others; can become frustrated if partner does not share their intensity;
everything must pay; not very romantic
9. Can be loving, spiritual, unselfish, compassionate or
very emotional, intense, ego-centered; finds it difficult to “let go”; a
“Mother Theresa”; can perceive their self as “the great lover.”
Interpretations for the Numbers 1 – 9
Every number has a positive
and negative flow of energy. In this
instance the words positive and negative do not indicate good or bad they
represent a directional flow of the energy of your choices.
1
Issues
Dealing With Ego–Self
Positive
Self-directed, leader, paradigm buster, innovator,
assertive, energetic, balanced, follows internal guidance, confident, centered
Negative
Passive, aggressive, indecisive, low self-esteem,
egocentric, fearful, a zealot, a bully, arrogant, timid
2
Issues Involving
Communications or Interactions with Others
Positive
Sensitive, intuitive, cooperative, a
mediator/arbitrator, friendly, communicates in timely fashion, detail oriented,
tactful, loyal, diplomatic
Negative
Shy, overly sentimental, timid, careless about
“things,” codependent, does not/can not speak up for self, self-centered,
brusque
3
Issues
Involving Self-Expression or Feelings of Adequacy
Positive
Joyful, witty, artistic, charismatic, charming,
creative, intelligent, optimistic, romantic, communicator, extrovert,
visionary, manifester
Negative
Moody/emotional, non-forgiving, scattered,
introverted, exaggerates, vain, feelings of inferiority or inadequacy, leaves
things unfinished, doesn’t know when to stop talking, exaggerates, does not/can
not communicate, explosive emotional outbursts
4
Issues
Involving Control, Work, Completion, or Procrastination
Positive
Organized, a builder, systematic, logical,
dependable, practical, manager, ability to totally focus on a task, a logician
Negative
5
Issues
Involving Change, Movement Or Flexibility
Positive
Flexible, freedom loving, physical, enjoys life, loves
innovation and change, curious, can be moderate
Negative
Rigid, impulsive, self-indulgent, inconsistent,
promiscuous, physical excesses, too yielding to others
6
Issues Involving Family,
Community, or Relationships
Positive
Responsible, advisor/counselor, protector,
humanitarian, service oriented, domestic, compassionate, helpful
Negative
Perfectionist, martyr, nosey, overly protective,
difficulty making commitments, co-dependent, irresponsible, doesn’t want
obligations-commitments-relationships or responsibilities
7
Issues
Involving Trust, Skepticism, Control, or Abandonment
Positive
Trusting, spiritual, analytical, psychic,
introspective, empathetic, objective, open and vulnerable, a seeker of
knowledge, fearless, patient
Negative
Controlling, fearful, non-trusting, impatient, a
need to be needed, a need to be appreciated,
emotionally closed, emotional or physical paralysis as a result of being
overly analytical, totally disconnected emotionally, a zealot, a martyr,
messianic feelings
8
Issues
Involving Power, Money, Personal Status, or Control
Positive
Initiates/delegates/orchestrates, logical, likes to
be in charge, a leader, makes it happen… good at politics or business and
commerce or leading institutions or organizations
Negative
Easily
frustrated, angry, extravagant/cheap, dictatorial, stubborn, materialistic,
demands recognition, a bully, fearful of using personal power, can be disloyal
if they feel slighted or ignored.
9
Issues Involving The Higher–Self, Long Distance Travel,
Endings
Positive
Selfless, loves unconditionally, compassionate, a
natural actor, loves long distance travel, comfortable with all strata’s of
society, healer
Egotistical; needs recognition, appreciation, and
thanks for their “good deeds”; difficulty letting go; can be fearful of showing
emotions…can be emotionally isolated or codependent…can be an “emotional pin
cushion” , needs to maintain emotional control